We are all born with self-confidence. However, many people seem to turn it into uncertainty over the years due to bad experiences and failure.
Self-confidence is mainly believing that you can perform a task well. It is a realistic estimation of your qualities and this is based on the good experiences you had in the past. Self-confidence is also a matter of self-esteem and self-respect.
Self-confidence is an internal feeling of certainty that you have the skills and knowledge to reach your goals. So, a strong and sustainable self-confidence is an important feature to feel happy and be successful.
Many of my clients ask me if they are the only ones that lack confidence. This is because their colleagues come across as self-assured (they do not show doubt and uncertainty), and on social media we see only the successful, self-assured side and the happy moments (with photoshopped pictures) of people. And you don’t see the other (dark) side.
So, the answer is: no, you are not alone. Everyone can feel uncertain and may suffer from a lack of confidence.
Realize that successful people also make mistakes and may feel uncertain once in a while. However, they know how to cope with it. They know that confidence is a combination of openness, satisfaction and optimism. This makes successful people attractive and it shows power.
Other people think they can only be successful if they do not make any mistakes. And if something goes wrong, it has a big impact on their conditional self-esteem. That causes fear. But fear and self-confidence are conflicting feelings. Where there is fear, there is no self-confidence. And when people are confident, there is no fear.
Have a look at the self-confidence scale above. Where do you sit?
So, getting more confident is important. When there is more self-confidence, you will have the courage to change and develop your life in a positive way by setting and reaching new targets.
Increasing your self-confidence is simple, but it requires a personal investment.
Here are 8 things you can do to raise your self-confidence.
1. Accept that self-confidence is a skill that can be developed. You can create success and happiness if you have a 100% belief in yourself and know that you can meet your goals. Remember that your thoughts largely determine how you feel and behave. Positive thoughts give energy to build confidence.
2. Start simple, make two lists. First, a list of things you have been doing well: your skills, competences, your talents. Second, write down all the achievements you are proud of. Take time for this; the list will be longer than you think. If you wish, add a column describing any obstacles or difficulties you overcame (what and how).
3. Plan to do work or activities that are just out of your comfort zone. You must be able to do the work successfully if you do your best. A successful accomplishment of such work will give you more skills and knowledge. And this helps to grow your confidence.
4. Self-confidence development is related to allowing risks. But risks may include that you make mistakes. Don’t be afraid of making mistakes. See them as learning moments that help you gain experience, and that also increases self-confidence.
5. But prepare yourself very well before starting any activity. It helps to stay calm, to concentrate and to make fewer mistakes. Preparation enables you to anticipate and react adequately. Your work feels more like a routine than a new, one-off, unknown action.
6. Don’t try to boil the ocean. Break down bigger tasks into smaller actions; these are easier to do successfully. These smaller achievements create a winner’s mentality.
7. Reward yourself for your hard work. Even if you do not get the success you were striving for, giving yourself a pat on the back is important. Why? It motivates you to keep on moving, and many efforts lead to successful results and guess what… that leads to more self-confidence.
8. One final comment: stop comparing yourself to other people. Stop worrying about what others think. The focus is on you, now and in the future.
THE GOLDEN NUGGET IS: when developing your self-confidence, the process is more important than the result. Everything you do is either successful or a learning moment. The process helps to make you better.
Self-confidence makes you more successful and a happier person.
There is much more to tell you about building self-confidence. Please contact me if you would like to get more information or would like to be coached on this.
Joost
PS: if you would like to know how confident you are, contact me and I will send you a small questionnaire to complete. I will analyze the answers and share the result with you.