A compliment is a polite, positive expression of praise or admiration to someone for something. A token of appreciation or, in some cases, “little powerful gifts of love”.
Compliments are sentences or words that strengthen what is going well. Performance-related compliments are an outcome of something we learned about praiseworthy actions and efforts by an individual or a team.
But compliments could also be interpersonal and related to:
- Character: “You have such a positive influence.”
- Appearance: “This suit you wear makes you look younger.”
- Meaning: “You make me believe in this.”
- Opportunities: “The best is yet to come, thanks to you.”
Giving a compliment is a sign of mindfulness. It makes us more aware of the good developments and positive atmosphere in business and our private life.
Compliments are not the same as flattery or acknowledgements. Flattery is excessive (false) praise, often used for one’s own advantage. While compliments may come across as a bit high level or general (“good job” or “well done”), an acknowledgement makes it more personal. So, make sure that there is a kind of personal endorsement when giving a compliment.
It is important to give compliments, as they function as a social lubricant that helps to start, maintain and develop relationships. After all, we are all social human beings and we would all like to be a part of the organization, be understood and acknowledged by our colleagues and contribute to the success of the company in a meaningful way.
A well-given compliment is a kind of confirmation of this; it brings people closer together in a positive way and can create so much positive energy that it will give the receiver wings to go the extra mile. It makes people happier and more successful. Especially people with low self-confidence, performance anxiety or colleagues who just started their first job!
Several studies (Sugawara et al. 2012; Zandstra 2017; Zhao & Epley 2019; Boothby & Bohns 2020) report that compliments enhance performance, boost self-perception and affirm right behavior and actions.
Moreover, compliments not only deliver positive effects to others, those effects also bounce back, creating a positive spirit.
However, a lot of people find it hard or feel uncomfortable to give compliments. Many don’t realize how transformative compliments are, they misestimate their compliment’s value, or they may be triggered by an egocentric bias. Another reason is that they are afraid of giving compliments in the wrong way, so that the recipient feels awkward and it could backfire.
As a result, many people are not generous in giving compliments.
Do not wait to give a compliment until the annual performance review. Raise the frequency. Give compliments when appropriate and not with a predictable timing (the last Friday of the month is compliments day), but build in a “surprise factor”.
Compliments only work when they are an honest reflection of what we feel: if we indeed mean it and when it is real. The receiving party will quickly see through it when it is false, and they interpret it as a way of trying to get something (the hidden agenda). It makes the giver untrustworthy and it creates suspicion about the motives for the compliment, which can destabilize the relationship.
But be careful: showing real, sincere appreciation is difficult to do.
A good compliment is:
- Concrete. Explain in detail what the compliment is about.
- Positive. Accentuate why you praise: what has been done, not what was not included.
- Supported with specific examples to make it more tangible.
- Delivered in person. With a smile.
And…
- Don’t inflate. Too much is never good, and it may come across as flattery.
- Don’t say something general, like: “You are perfect”, “Well done”, etc. Rather be specific: “You made a good point about the customer during our meeting.”
- Avoid starting the compliment with “I”, such as “I really appreciated the level of detail in this report”, because you’re making it about yourself and your opinion, and it is about the other person. The fact that you give the compliment shows that it comes from you. That is enough.
- Don’t link a compliment to something bad in the past, like: “Finally you are on time!” There is a hidden criticism in this compliment.
Make it a part of your lifestyle and you and your colleagues will be more successful and happier!
There is much more to say about compliments. Please contact me if you would like to get more information or would like to be coached on Giving Compliments.
Joost
PS: The next blog is about Receiving Compliments.